I don’t presume to speak for all of us, but we do seem to go through a lot of the same things…or as most of the world would say, we have “issues”. We walk a lonely path most days, that’s for sure!
Feeling lonely is hard. I’ve felt lonely more times than I care to remember. Some days I want to be out in the world socializing and other days I want to hide away at home. If I become intensely lonely I’ll reach out to a few trusted friends and it does help me feel better to talk about how I feel. The problem is, as much as they care and try to understand how I feel, they don’t get me. Try as they might, they never will. I’ve learned to accept it.
I long to make a connection with someone…someone who understands me. I’ve met many interesting, kind, funny, intelligent, caring people but usually the moment comes when I realize they don’t understand me. IF I decide to show them a small part of who I really am…my different, sincere, quirky side they can become unresponsive or they tolerate it. I realize they aren’t going to be the friend I had hoped they’d be and the alienation and lonliness floods back in. I’ve learned to hold that side of myself back from a lot of people. I don’t know if it’s a failure on my part or that people just can’t relate to me.
In the past month I’ve been told by two close friends that “other people just don’t think like you do” (in regards to a certain man I talk to occasionally and just life in general). That’s the truth and I know it! Others don’t think and feel the same way as I do. I’m willing to do things and go the distance where others aren’t, and they don’t react in the same way as I do because I always feel more…more than I should and I know it.
I have moments where I think “what’s wrong with me”. What is it about me that turns people away? Is it all in my head? Am I being unreasonable in not getting the response from them that I want? Am I too weird, sensitive, intense, serious, boring, hard to understand? Now, not only am I lonely, but I’m insecure.
I know I spend a lot of time inside my head and overthink every little thing that crosses my mind. When I get this way I try to get out and interact with others, but it’s hard because I always have to hide a part of myself, the part that makes me, me. Putting myself in that situation can make me feel even lonlier than I did before. It’s a very lonely feeling that those you care about most don’t understand you and they never really will.
We all yearn for a deep, touch your soul kind of relationship and those are difficult to find regardless of your personality type.
I know I take thing way too seriously, but I’ve never been a “live in the moment” kind of girl. As hard as I try, I can’t go with the flow and I overthink and over analyze things and situations. I want all the answers even though I know I’ll never get them. We don’t react the same way as other people do and we feel things differently as well.
I was told by my boss not long ago during my evaluation that out of all her employees I was the only one she couldn’t get a read on and figure out. She actually thought I didn’t like her. (I do by the way) Why would she think she could figure me out when I haven’t accomplished it myself! I jokingly told her when she figured me out to let me in on it. She must have thought it was funny because I received a glowing evaluation.
Anyone who’s an INFJ could answer this for her though. We’re guarded on purpose. We have to be. We want more than anything to be understood, but it rarely happens. The times we’ve opened up to the wrong people is a brutal reminder to keep most things to ourselves.
Dating and meeting new people in regards to romance is a topic in itself! It’s hard enough, but for INFJs, or this one anyway, it’s devastating when you think you’ve made a connection with someone and it doesn’t go anywhere or fizzles out. Maybe it has nothing to do with my personality type. Maybe I’m just meeting the wrong people…people who’s intentions aren’t as sincere as mine. Trust me…I haven’t even begun to show them who I am so if the little I do show them causes them distress, it’s best they run as fast as they can. The sooner the better for both our sakes.
As much as I’d like to be antisocial and just go off and live in a cave most days, I can’t because I crave human connections. I don’t always fit in and I’m at peace with that. We have gifts and talents that are needed to help others. Even though people hurt us and use us, overall we do make a difference…WE DO COUNT! Most people won’t miss us until we’re gone and I hate to say this, but once we’re gone, there’s no coming back, it’s too late. Whether it’s the infamous INFJ door slam or deciding to keep those people in our lives yet hiding our true selves from them to make them comfortable….we know.
Being lonely and the deafening silence that surrounds that lonliness is for me, one of the bad things about being an INFJ, but as I said above…we do count. We have many other great qualities that make us the unique individuals that we are.
All that aside, for once in our lives thanks to blogs and the internet, WE ARE NOT ALONE! We have each other right here to talk to. It’s not the same as physical contact, but it sure makes me feel a little less lonely!