The Lonely INFJ…

Are INFJs just lonely souls lost between reality and dreams?

I don’t presume to speak for all of us, but we do seem to go through a lot of the same things…or as most of the world would say, we have “issues”.  We walk a lonely path most days, that’s for sure!

Feeling lonely is hard. I’ve felt lonely more times than I care to remember. Some days I want to be out in the world socializing and other days I want to hide away at home. If I become intensely lonely I’ll reach out to a few trusted friends and it does help me feel better to talk about how I feel. The problem is, as much as they care and try to understand how I feel, they don’t get me. Try as they might, they never will. I’ve learned to accept it.

I long to make a connection with someone…someone who understands me. I’ve met many interesting, kind, funny, intelligent, caring people but usually the moment comes when I realize they don’t understand me. IF I decide to show them a small part of who I really am…my different, sincere, quirky side they can become unresponsive or they tolerate it. I realize they aren’t going to be the friend I had hoped they’d be and the alienation and lonliness floods back in. I’ve learned to hold that side of myself back from a lot of people. I don’t know if it’s a failure on my part or that people just can’t relate to me.

In the past month I’ve been told by two close friends that “other people just don’t think like you do” (in regards to a certain man I talk to occasionally and just life in general). That’s the truth and I know it! Others don’t think and feel the same way as I do. I’m willing to do things and go the distance where others aren’t, and they don’t react in the same way as I do because I always feel more…more than I should and I know it.

I have moments where I think “what’s wrong with me”. What is it about me that turns people away? Is it all in my head? Am I being unreasonable in not getting the response from them that I want? Am I too weird, sensitive, intense, serious, boring, hard to understand? Now, not only am I lonely, but I’m insecure.

I know I spend a lot of time inside my head and overthink every little thing that crosses my mind. When I get this way I try to get out and interact with others, but it’s hard because I always have to hide a part of myself, the part that makes me, me. Putting myself in that situation can make me feel even lonlier than I did before. It’s a very lonely feeling that those you care about most don’t understand you and they never really will.

We all yearn for a deep, touch your soul kind of relationship and those are difficult to find regardless of your personality type. 

I know I take thing way too seriously, but I’ve never been a “live in the moment” kind of girl. As hard as I try, I can’t go with the flow and I overthink and over analyze things and situations. I want all the answers even though I know I’ll never get them. We don’t react the same way as other people do and we feel things differently as well.

I was told by my boss not long ago during my evaluation that out of all her employees I was the only one she couldn’t get a read on and figure out. She actually thought I didn’t like her. (I do by the way) Why would she think she could figure me out when I haven’t accomplished it myself! I jokingly told her when she figured me out to let me in on it. She must have thought it was funny because I received a glowing evaluation. 

Anyone who’s an INFJ could answer this for her though. We’re guarded on purpose. We have to be. We want more than anything to be understood, but it rarely happens. The times we’ve opened up to the wrong people is a brutal reminder to keep most things to ourselves.

Dating and meeting new people in regards to romance is a topic in itself! It’s hard enough, but for INFJs, or this one anyway, it’s devastating when you think you’ve made a connection with someone and it doesn’t go anywhere or fizzles out. Maybe it has nothing to do with my personality type. Maybe I’m just meeting the wrong people…people who’s intentions aren’t as sincere as mine. Trust me…I haven’t even begun to show them who I am so if the little I do show them causes them distress, it’s best they run as fast as they can. The sooner the better for both our sakes. 

As much as I’d like to be antisocial and just go off and live in a cave most days, I can’t because I crave human connections. I don’t always fit in and I’m at peace with that. We have gifts and talents that are needed to help others. Even though people hurt us and use us, overall we do make a difference…WE DO COUNT! Most people won’t miss us until we’re gone and I hate to say this, but once we’re gone, there’s no coming back, it’s too late. Whether it’s the infamous INFJ door slam or deciding to keep those people in our lives yet hiding our true selves from them to make them comfortable….we know.

Being lonely and the deafening silence that surrounds that lonliness is for me, one of the bad things about being an INFJ, but as I said above…we do count. We have many other great qualities that make us the unique individuals that we are. 

All that aside, for once in our lives thanks to blogs and the internet, WE ARE NOT ALONE! We have each other right here to talk to. It’s not the same as physical contact, but it sure makes me feel a little less lonely!


This INFJ’s Opinion On Morning Greetings…

Admittedly, I am not a morning person. It takes me at least an hour or so to warm up to the day.

Upon arriving to work, I’ve been “good morninged” at least 8 times before I even get to my work station. Let me put my things away and organize my thoughts before you start interrogating me about every little thing I’ve done since you last saw me. Yes! For a few of my coworkers, that’s what their good mornings lead into. Then there’s the particularly self centered coworker who talks about herself long after her good morning has been delivered….yet I’m the rude one when I walk away because I have work to do. Sorry. I’m here to work. 

I’m sure some of you will not agree or understand what I’m trying to say here. Why in the world would it bother me or anyone else to be greeted with a “good morning” by your coworkers?

It doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is their reaction to how I respond. When greeted with a “good morning” I generally nod in the direction of the greeter and smile or smile and say hi. Seems reasonable so far…are ya with me?

Most of my coworkers understand that I’m not Little Mary Sunshine right off the bat. It’s nothing personal. It’s just who I am at that time of day. Give me a few hours and I’ll be fine, but some of them just don’t get it.

I’ve been asked soooo many times…what’s wrong…why are you in a bad mood…why are you being rude? I’m not. I’ve acknowledged their good morning, I just didn’t acknowledge it in the way they wanted me to. 

My personal favorite is…why are you so quiet? Well gosh, I don’t know! Why are you so loud? I think we can all agree, that would be rude for me to say. Why isn’t it considered rude for them to question my quietness? 

I actually enjoy silence. I don’t feel the need to fill that silence with endless questions or small talk like some of my coworkers do. I talk to patients all day. I don’t need to have a 10 minute conversation with you about what you had for supper last night while I’m trying to finish up paperwork. If you have something meaningful or important to say, I’m all ears. Don’t talk just because you’re uncomfortable when things get quiet and then try to make me feel like there’s something wrong with me because I don’t participate in mindless chatter with you. Smiling politely and an occasional word or two is all your gonna get from me. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I understand and respect my coworkers need for a morning greeting. They’re my friends and I enjoy and want to hear about what’s going on in their lives, but I’d also like my need for silence to be respected. Rest assured, if I have something meaningful to say, I’ll say it. Don’t try to make me feel bad or that there’s something wrong with me because I’m quiet. I’m not being rude. I’m not sad. I’m not depressed. It’s who I am.


The Grinch Who Steals Morning Greetings❤️

Merry Christmas…

To all…I hope you have a blessed Christmas and a wonderful New Year! I hope you will dream dangerously and outrageously. The only failure is in not trying. Take risks. Be kind. Be wise. Show compassion. Help others. The world needs more of that right now. It always has. Love one another as God has commanded us to do. Don’t judge. Don’t hate. Be respectful of others even when you don’t agree. One person can make a difference. You might not change the world, but you can change the world for one person. 

For those of you who aren’t experiencing the “storybook” Christmas this year…Maybe you’re grieving a loss. Perhaps you’re lonely, discouraged, or worried about the challenges you’re facing. I assure you there is no one who hasn’t struggled through a holiday or two. Be gentle with yourself. Stay open to the kindness of others and stay open to some small, Christmas miracle. 

Merry Christmas to all!! I wish you all the best… today and always!!

Melancholy, INFJs, and Quotes…

Melancholy…the feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause. Or as I like to define it…and then suddenly I became sad for no reason at all.

There’s not a thing going on in my life to make me feel sad, but a few days ago this feeling of melancholy hit me out of the blue.

Maybe it’s the fact that the days are shorter now. Perhaps it’s because through the years I’ve had a lot of life changing events occur between now and the end of the year.

It could be because my birthday is just around the corner and I’ll be another year older. I don’t mean to complain. I know it’s just a number, but I also know I’m not invincible like I once thought when I was younger. Regardless of the cause, it always seems to hit me around this time of year. 

The reason I’m writing about this today is because it started me thinking about my personality type. Im an INFJ and I’ve read that those of us with this personality type tend to be prone to feelings of melancholy. Perhaps it’s the way we see the world and the depth to so many things.

I’m not sure I would say that I am melancholic in nature…. I don’t always feel this way. I have my moments and I recover quickly. Sometimes I feel quite content, joyful even a little spunky. I’m a bit complex and I don’t always know exactly how I feel. I can be moody and my mood can change quickly, but I do try to hide it when I feel sad. Some times I can, but most times I’m somber and withdrawn when the meloncholy strikes. Let’s just say I’m not a good actress when it comes to hiding how I feel, but I am a hopeless optimist. However sad or upset I may become, to whatever depths of depression I may descend, it is impossible for me to lose hope entirely. 

I’m curious to see how other INFJs feel about melancholy and our personality type. I feel most of the time INFJs are very positive people, but at the same time there’s something in our eyes that makes people ask “Are you okay?” Is it because of our complexity? Our differences from society? Our need to have answers and figure things out? Are INFJs sad in nature?  I’m very curious. 

At our core, when the doors are locked and the shutters closed…maybe we let the melancholy take over for awhile, but at the same time we can be incredibly positive, upbeat, loving people when we are all by ourselves. We’re complicated like that!

We are very layered which is both a gift and a curse. We have so much “stuff” to figure out about everything including ourselves. In a world that’s increasingly fake and a society that keeps pushing people to “be happy” by taking pills and denying reality, a little melancholy truthfulness is needed sometimes…and a breath of fresh air. 

Any thoughts? Feel free to discuss.

In the meantime here are some quotes by author JmStorm. If you know who he is let me know because I couldn’t find much info about him. I did find these quotes on Pinterest and what better way to express yourself when you’re melancholy than with quotes! Interestingly enough, the first and last quotes deal with “the door”.

*Sometimes we shut the door on the things and people we care about because we know. We know that if it was right they wouldn’t be on the other side.

*I’ve learned that waiting for another to give you closure is like waiting for the dead to bury themselves. Do yourself a favor and grab a shovel.

*She’s strong, but not in the way most people think. She cares more than she’ll ever get back and she knows it. And yet she cares anyway.

*How odd it is that so much of what isn’t said, isn’t said because it’s the truth.

*Never look to be fed by the one who could stand there and watch you starve.

*One day I put together the puzzle of who I always was. And I was okay with being the only one who understood.

*Pay close attention to the manner in which one closes the door. Burn it into your mind. Good or bad, that is who they really are.

For what it’s worth when I think of this last quote I not only think about the INFJ door but also the door to my home. If you were to come to my home, I would not shut the door as soon as you walk out. I’ll always walk you to the door and most times I’ll even walk outside with you. I stand there until you drive away and wave at you as you go. Then I shut the door. Always have. Always will.

It’s sort of like the INFJ “door”… I just can’t “close” the door until I know you’re “gone”. I don’t know if the metaphor makes sense to everyone, but it makes sense to me.

Your Past Does Not Define You…

A blogger friend left a comment regarding my 3 day quote challenge. They thought it would be interesting for me to pick a few quotes and blog about my reflections on those quotes. I’ve had writer’s block lately so I thought it was a fabulous idea.

I’m terrible at making decisions…it takes me forever. I recently joked to a friend that I should run for President and she replied, “No. You only have four years to make a decision”! 

Due to my decision making skills, I asked in the Community Pool forum for other bloggers to choose their favorite quotes from my post. Below is one of the winners…

We all have a past. There are good times and bad. We tend to focus on the bad things in our past and often times are filled with regret. Regret for things we did or did not do. Regret for things we said or did not say. 

We have all wished at one time or another that we had a rewind button. Yet at the same time those regrets/mistakes have made us into the people we are today. We learned lessons from the things we regret that we wouldn’t have learned otherwise. That’s how life works. 

Is there something you regret? Yes. Would you go back and do it again? Probably. Why? Because right or wrong, it’s what you thought you needed at the time.

I’m reminded of another quote while I’m writing this. We are all free to choose, but we are not free from the consequences of those choices. That’s where our lessons in life come from. 

We all have different ways to deal with our mistakes and regrets. There are people who don’t even get knocked down by them. They just walk away and move on. They don’t need to “feel” anything or figure it out. 

Then there are people like myself. We get knocked down and stay down for a bit. We need time to feel the emotions and try to figure out where we went wrong and why. Some might call it a “pity party”, but it’s not. It’s just how we’re made…to feel and to try and make sense of it all. We don’t stay down for long tho’. We may get knocked down, but we always get back up, brush ourselves off, and move forward. It just takes us a little longer than others and that’s okay. (Do my fellow INFJs agree?)

Some folks get knocked down in life and can’t get back up on their feet. Get back up and fight for yourself and do what you need to, to move on. It’s okay to take the time you need, but try to move forward even if you have to ask for help to do so. Just breathe. Take it a day at a time and it won’t seem so overwhelming. I promise you’ll look back one day and say, “I don’t know how I made it, but I did”!

Your past does not define you. Your mistakes and regrets do not define you. You learn from them and they make you who you are today. You’re wiser because of them.

Your past only deters and destroys you if you let it. We are all human and we all make mistakes. We’ve all been hurt or have hurt someone else. We’ve all been disappointed or had another disappoint us. We’ve all made decisions that have changed our lives for the worse, but remember…some our worst decisions lead to greater things in the future. Never give up! If you need to apologize and ask someone to forgive you…do it! That’s something you will never regret. Just remember to forgive yourself as well for your faults and mistakes and move forward.

Your past is behind you for a reason. Don’t let it defeat you. Let it strengthen you and make you a better person today…in spite of it all!

It’s The End Of A Chapter Not The Book…

I’ve been divorced for close to a year and a half, but this post isn’t about my divorce. This post is about a topic I told myself I’d never write about again.

I had planned to write about life in the single lane and I will next week. People tell me all the time, “you need to put yourself out there.”  I have several well meaning friends who are always trying to set me up with someone they know. I go with no expectations and so far I’ve met some nice guys, but no connection. No “spark.” I have made a few new friendships along the way, so that’s a plus.

Let me get back to today’s topic….

If you’ve read my blog you know who “Buzz” is. We met online, talked for awhile, met in person…ten months total from beginning to end. He was a nice guy.  I liked him and felt a connection…enough so that even if the things we talked about didn’t work out, his friendship would have been enough. I’m not really sure what he felt. 

He lost interest and wanted space so I gave it to him….to infinity and beyond. That’s why I call him “Buzz.” I was vulnerable and emotional at the time and acted a little needy which only made things worse. We all make mistakes! Thank goodness I’ve got my head on straight now. 

Fast forward to the beginning of last month. I never expected to hear from him again. After a significant amount of time had passed with no word from him, I received a message out of the blue. He wanted to talk to me. I was out of town so I wasn’t available. After the last interaction I had with him, I swore to myself  I’d never ask that man another question…and yet I did. 

I asked what he wanted to talk about. He wanted to come by in person to apologize and explain himself. I agreed and he said he’d let me know when, but it would definitely be one of the two days that I was off work the following week. 

That’s the last I heard from him. 

I have no idea what happened. I assume that whatever it was he had to say wasn’t that important after all and he changed his mind. Of course I do wonder what he would have said if he had come by, but I’m not losing any sleep over it either. 

I’m sure some of you reading this are wondering why I didn’t message him to see why he didn’t follow through with his plans. The old me probably would have. The new me though….no way! 

He contacted me. I was willing to listen, but it wasn’t my idea this time. It was his. And because many months ago he asked me to give him space and not contact him…that’s what I will continue to do. The fact that he finally wanted to talk doesn’t change that. 

There was a time I would have given anything for him to come by and talk to me in person after he ended it, but time has a way of changing things. Closure? I looked within myself and made my own.

Hell can freeze over and pigs could fly before I would ever contact him first. I’m not saying that to be mean or because I’m angry. I’m not. It’s just who I am. Perhaps it has something to do with the ol’ INFJ door slam.

I’m sure he has his reasons for not following through and I accept it. I don’t need to know what they are. As far as what it was he wanted to say…I guess it will have to remain a mystery. I’d like to know, but I’ll never ask.

My intentions today were not to write a post about him. My thoughts went there because while out running errands, I saw someone who looked like him. Maybe it was him. Maybe it wasn’t. I don’t know because I turned and went in the opposite direction.

If nothing else, I think this post shows how I’ve changed and grown emotionally this past year. I’ve definitely learned that if you have to ask for someone’s attention, it doesn’t mean anything and it’s not worth having. That’s another reason I won’t ask him what he wanted to say. He has to choose to tell me because he wants to. If I have to ask, it’s not worth knowing.

As I’ve said before…I wish things could have been different. He’s a great guy and I’m glad I got to know him. 

He’s part of my story, but he’s only a short chapter and I have many more waiting to be written.


**Life is like a book. Chapters end, but the book goes on. The end of one chapter becomes the beginning of another.

I Remember… – free2bme27

The Ultimate Square Peg…

I finally have confirmation that I am indeed special! I have one of the rarest personality types worldwide…only 1 -3 percent of the population shares this personality type with me. This explains why people don’t “get” me and I’m often times misunderstood.

My personality type is called INFJ – T

I don’t know how accurate this test really is, but I will say the description was very accurate. I asked a few friends to take the test as well, just to see if their personalities matched up with their test results. Theirs were also very accurate and described them almost perfectly. 

The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is an introspective self-report questionnaire designed to indicate psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. The MBTI was constructed by Katharine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment was designed to help you better understand what makes you tick, how you relate to others, and how you can benefit from this knowledge in everyday life.

Here’s the link if you’d like to take it for yourself. It really is very interesting. I’m including the free link versus the one that asks you to pay $50. Who wants to pay when you can get the results for free?!?!  Feel free to leave your results in the comments and voice if you agree with them or not. If you’re also an INFJ, congratulations on being an extremely rare gem. Those aren’t my words, but they were part of the assessment. Let me know if you are an INFJ because we’ve got to stick together. It’s part of my personality to know these things! Lol
In the meantime, I’ve included a few interesting facts about my personality type. 

Famous INFJs

The INFJ door slam…could be a post all on its own!

How to know if you’re an INFJ…

We just know…

Not a superhero…



You know nothing…

***all images from Google or Pinterest