Follow up on I’m Sorry You Feel That Way….

I’ve noticed for quite some time that this particular post is viewed on a daily basis by several different individuals…on some days it’s as many as five. It has never been one of my popular posts on WordPress. I was curious as to why my stats show it has been viewed on an almost daily basis since I wrote it over a year ago. So…me being me I decided to Google the words “sorry you feel that way” and there it was…the link to my blog post on page 2 of Google.

I’m not sure why this one post is getting so many views, but I think it’s safe to say several people a day are googling those words because they want to know just what they mean to other people.

Since writing that post I’ve come a long way from the woman I was at that time. The person that was on my mind when I wrote it is now a distant memory.  On the rare occasions that he does cross my mind…I have no feelings at all, good or bad. I know now I never needed anything from him to gain closure and move on. I did it all on my own in my own time. I wrote about the experience from my perspective and how I felt. No one but myself and the other person knows the extent of what was said to cause me to feel the way I did and that’s the way I want it. At the time I cared, but now I see that I don’t need anyone in my life that would make me feel guilty for having feelings or an opinion. I still believe they never meant to hurt me, but to blame me while maintaining his innocence was cowardly. Maybe I’m not completely over that part, but that’s good because it stays as a reminder to be more careful next time.

I am fascinated that people still read it long after I made peace with the situation that caused me to write it. The only comment it received was from someone who said “I think it’s impossible to make anyone feel a certain way. It’s their responsibility to own their own feelings. The phrase is not uncaring or dismissive”.

I will agree that a person should own their own feelings. The commenter did get that part right! I did own my feelings and the part I played in the situation. I know where I failed and what my shortcomings were….and I learned from it. Some of life’s best lessons come from difficult times.

But in my opinion where the commenter got it wrong is here…we’ve all said something to someone that made them feel a certain way that wasn’t good. We all perceive things differently, we all have different personalities, and we all feel things differently. Things said CAN be misinterpreted, but if you said them, you still own them and you should be prepared to answer for them honestly.

So while we have to own our own feelings it doesn’t mean we should be ashamed of how we feel or made to feel like we’re wrong for feeling the way we do. It’s okay to feel, but we are responsible for how we react and respond. In other words, feel it, but don’t make a bad situation worse in the way you interact with others. Feel it but don’t let it control you.

Now having said that, there will always be people in this world that will say all the right things for all the wrong reasons. People lie. They’re deceitful and manipulative. They know what to say to get what they want. They prey on the vulnerable and weak. When it’s time for them to back those words up with action, it’s never their fault. You took it wrong. You misunderstood. You’re too emotional….and they’re very fond of saying “I’m sorry you feel that way.

So while I moved on long ago from my experience, the lesson it taught me remains. Just because I mean what I say and back those words up with action, doesn’t mean everyone else does too. Not everyone has the same heart as I do.  I don’t trust people until they’ve proven to me that I can and I have a wall around me for my protection. It’s not very high because I still try to see the good in everyone, but it’s there nonetheless. 

…and on the occasions that my words or actions hurt someone, I acknowledge their feelings, give them a sincere apology, and do whatever I can to own my part for hurting them. Sometimes that means brutal honesty in the way I feel, but I’ll never make anyone feel bad for the feelings they have. I’ll listen, do my best to understand, and NEVER say “I’m sorry you feel that way”!

Here are a few memes because let’s face it…a lot of people do believe “I’m sorry you feel that way” IS a fake apology.

Thanks for reading and feel free to let me know what you think.. 

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This INFJ’s Opinion On Morning Greetings…

 
Admittedly, I am not a morning person. It takes me at least an hour or so to warm up to the day.

Upon arriving to work, I’ve been “good morninged” at least 8 times before I even get to my work station. Let me put my things away and organize my thoughts before you start interrogating me about every little thing I’ve done since you last saw me. Yes! For a few of my coworkers, that’s what their good mornings lead into. Then there’s the particularly self centered coworker who talks about herself long after her good morning has been delivered….yet I’m the rude one when I walk away because I have work to do. Sorry. I’m here to work. 

I’m sure some of you will not agree or understand what I’m trying to say here. Why in the world would it bother me or anyone else to be greeted with a “good morning” by your coworkers?

It doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is their reaction to how I respond. When greeted with a “good morning” I generally nod in the direction of the greeter and smile or smile and say hi. Seems reasonable so far…are ya with me?

Most of my coworkers understand that I’m not Little Mary Sunshine right off the bat. It’s nothing personal. It’s just who I am at that time of day. Give me a few hours and I’ll be fine, but some of them just don’t get it.

I’ve been asked soooo many times…what’s wrong…why are you in a bad mood…why are you being rude? I’m not. I’ve acknowledged their good morning, I just didn’t acknowledge it in the way they wanted me to. 

My personal favorite is…why are you so quiet? Well gosh, I don’t know! Why are you so loud? I think we can all agree, that would be rude for me to say. Why isn’t it considered rude for them to question my quietness? 

I actually enjoy silence. I don’t feel the need to fill that silence with endless questions or small talk like some of my coworkers do. I talk to patients all day. I don’t need to have a 10 minute conversation with you about what you had for supper last night while I’m trying to finish up paperwork. If you have something meaningful or important to say, I’m all ears. Don’t talk just because you’re uncomfortable when things get quiet and then try to make me feel like there’s something wrong with me because I don’t participate in mindless chatter with you. Smiling politely and an occasional word or two is all your gonna get from me. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I understand and respect my coworkers need for a morning greeting. They’re my friends and I enjoy and want to hear about what’s going on in their lives, but I’d also like my need for silence to be respected. Rest assured, if I have something meaningful to say, I’ll say it. Don’t try to make me feel bad or that there’s something wrong with me because I’m quiet. I’m not being rude. I’m not sad. I’m not depressed. It’s who I am.

Sincerely,

The Grinch Who Steals Morning Greetings❤️

Memories…

Do you remember the first time you stood on the beach and saw nothing but the ocean extending to the horizon and the waves crashing before you?

Do you remember the first time you saw the mountains rise from a distance and how they seemed to go on forever?

Do you remember your first day of school and not wanting to let go of your mother’s hand? Your last day of school and the excitement of going out into the world for the first time on your own?

Do you remember your first crush? Your first kiss? The first time you fell in love? The first time your heart was broken? The first time you broke someone else’s heart? 

Do you remember the first time you found out you were expecting a child? The first time you heard the baby’s heartbeat? The first ultrasound? The first kick? Seeing your baby for the first time and holding it? Hearing your child’s first cry? The first time they crawled and walked? Hearing their first word?

Do you remember your parents being your heros? Remember a time when they knew everything and then for a season they knew nothing at all? Do you remember the first time you realized how much they really loved you..unconditionally? How much they had done for you and sacrificed for you? Do you remember the first time you realized they wouldn’t be with you forever? Watching them get sick and weak? Watching them take their last breath?

There’s so much emphasis on memories, both good and bad that make us who we are. I love to remember and stay awhile inside my yesterdays. Of course it’s not good to stay there too long or we miss out on the present.

Everything and everyone in your life was once a “first time”.

Today I challenge you to appreciate and see everything and everyone you encounter as is it were the first time.

Really look at that sunrise or sunset. Listen to your children as if it were the first time you heard them speak. See the world around you as if it were the first time. Your home. Your neighborhood. The trees. The birds singing. Your pets. Your parents. Your friends. 

Oh, and don’t forget yourself! Really look at yourself and see who you are, inside and out. Forget the mistakes and heartache. The disappointments. Even the bad experiences and choices have made you who you are. Let it all go and see yourself… not only for who you are now, but for who you can become.

K❤

Merry Christmas…

To all…I hope you have a blessed Christmas and a wonderful New Year! I hope you will dream dangerously and outrageously. The only failure is in not trying. Take risks. Be kind. Be wise. Show compassion. Help others. The world needs more of that right now. It always has. Love one another as God has commanded us to do. Don’t judge. Don’t hate. Be respectful of others even when you don’t agree. One person can make a difference. You might not change the world, but you can change the world for one person. 

For those of you who aren’t experiencing the “storybook” Christmas this year…Maybe you’re grieving a loss. Perhaps you’re lonely, discouraged, or worried about the challenges you’re facing. I assure you there is no one who hasn’t struggled through a holiday or two. Be gentle with yourself. Stay open to the kindness of others and stay open to some small, Christmas miracle. 

Merry Christmas to all!! I wish you all the best… today and always!!

Small Town Life…

I was born in a small town. Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world, waiting on a midnight train going anywhere. Just a few lines from songs by John Cougar and Journey to describe who I am. 

I had big dreams of catching that midnight train and going wherever it would take me, but only ended up settling an hour away from home in the “big city”. Of course if I could go back and do it all over again, I would. The world was a big ol’ place full of adventure. At the time I had no responsibility and yet no courage to venture out. Now that I have the courage to do so, time has also brought about too many responsibilities to just pick up and go. Someday I will!

I miss my hometown, but I’m lucky because it’s only a short drive anytime I get the urge to go for a visit. I find it hard to go back to visit since my mom passed away, but I do go back to visit my dad, sister, aunts, uncles, and cousins. 

This is one of my favorite photos from the small town I come from. It just reminds me of home:

There are many pros and cons for the small town life just as there are for life in the city. 

There’s never a lot to do. Not many places to shop or eat, but it has grown since I lived there. One of the greatest past times as a teen was to “cruise” Main Street in your car and then everyone ended up parking in the church parking lot and hanging out. A short honk as you passed a friend was a way to say “hi”. If you “layed” on the horn as you passed someone, it meant you wanted that person to pull over so you could chat awhile. Sometimes you’d park your car and get in with someone else and keep on cruisin’. A good part of my paycheck as a teen went towards gas money to accommodate all this cruisin’!

It was the kind of town that you waved at everyone you passed while driving because you knew everyone. BUT if it was one of your friends, you crazy waved  as you passed…I mean it was one of your best friends after all!

It was also the kind of town where everyone knew who everyone else was. There wasn’t a lot of privacy and you couldn’t get by with much…gossip or the truth, everyone knew what was going on with you. Sometimes they knew what I’d done before I did! I always knew to tell the truth when I got home if I was asked where I’d been or what I’d done because chances were my parents already knew.

The plus side to this was that if you had a crisis or a death in the family, everyone knew and the whole town was there for you at the drop of a hat. When you had a death in the family, people would come by from all over town and bring a casserole…dessert…tables and counters would be covered with dishes. They’d visit with you and pray with you and you knew you were not alone.

Where I live now people don’t do that. The city is too big. It’s not a close knit community. However, at least in my neighborhood, if something happens I make it a point to visit and do what I can to assist my neighbors.

Here in the city, no one pulls over for funeral processions except those of us who came from small towns. Back home everyone pulled over off the side of the road to show their respect. Men would even get out of their cars, take off their hats, and place them over their hearts. That’s respect! Not only for the person who passed away, but for their families as well.

I for one think the pros of living in a small town outweigh the cons. People always watched out for you and your kids. If you needed help with something, you didn’t even have to ask and no one expected anything in return.  It was a simple way of life and simple was good. 

We all have big dreams no matter where we live or where we come from. We’re always waiting on that midnight train to take us somewhere…”anywhere but here”. And once we get where we’re going and life happens, we usually long for those simpler times of our youth.

I can’t say I’d want to move back and live there, but I can say it’s always nice to “catch that train” and go back home once in awhile. 

No matter where I live, I’ll always be a small town girl at heart. Nothing will ever change that.

Christmas Memories…

There is nothing more magical than decorated trees, lights, Christmas music, presents, and family and friends to brighten up your life.

Christmas tree ornaments have meaning beyond decoration. Each one tells a story of a time, person, or place and marks years and decades of special memories. The ornaments I bought to mark something special for that particular year. The ornaments given to me as gifts. The ornaments that my daughter made thru the years. 

Every ornament hanging on the tree brings back a special memory, but the ones my daughter made throughout the years are my favorite. Those pieces of art are what make a Christmas tree perfect! 

… and since every ornament tells a story, it takes me forever to decorate my tree because I pause to remember each memory as I hang them. 

My daughter’s Elf On A Shelf Elmer “retired” a few years ago. He no longer moves from place to place in our home, but sits in the tree beside the elf ornament I had as a child. 

A few things before I sign off. Wear stretchy pants on Christmas Day. Do not forget the stretchy pants. (You know it’s good advice). Just wear the same ones you wore on Thanksgiving. If you’re traveling this Christmas season…be safe. If the pies burn or the tree tips over don’t let it get you down. Laugh at every given opportunity.

Remember the reason for the season…Jesus Christ our Savior. The true meaning of Christmas is truly what matters and the greatest gift to all mankind.

May the message of Christmas fill your lives with joy and peace and may God’s blessings shine down upon you and your families this Christmas season. Each of you are awesome in your own unique way. I’m glad to know you and have you along.

Merry Christmas from our home to yours!