Melancholy, INFJs, and Quotes…

Melancholy…the feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause. Or as I like to define it…and then suddenly I became sad for no reason at all.

There’s not a thing going on in my life to make me feel sad, but a few days ago this feeling of melancholy hit me out of the blue.

Maybe it’s the fact that the days are shorter now. Perhaps it’s because through the years I’ve had a lot of life changing events occur between now and the end of the year.

It could be because my birthday is just around the corner and I’ll be another year older. I don’t mean to complain. I know it’s just a number, but I also know I’m not invincible like I once thought when I was younger. Regardless of the cause, it always seems to hit me around this time of year. 

The reason I’m writing about this today is because it started me thinking about my personality type. Im an INFJ and I’ve read that those of us with this personality type tend to be prone to feelings of melancholy. Perhaps it’s the way we see the world and the depth to so many things.

I’m not sure I would say that I am melancholic in nature…. I don’t always feel this way. I have my moments and I recover quickly. Sometimes I feel quite content, joyful even a little spunky. I’m a bit complex and I don’t always know exactly how I feel. I can be moody and my mood can change quickly, but I do try to hide it when I feel sad. Some times I can, but most times I’m somber and withdrawn when the meloncholy strikes. Let’s just say I’m not a good actress when it comes to hiding how I feel, but I am a hopeless optimist. However sad or upset I may become, to whatever depths of depression I may descend, it is impossible for me to lose hope entirely. 

I’m curious to see how other INFJs feel about melancholy and our personality type. I feel most of the time INFJs are very positive people, but at the same time there’s something in our eyes that makes people ask “Are you okay?” Is it because of our complexity? Our differences from society? Our need to have answers and figure things out? Are INFJs sad in nature?  I’m very curious. 

At our core, when the doors are locked and the shutters closed…maybe we let the melancholy take over for awhile, but at the same time we can be incredibly positive, upbeat, loving people when we are all by ourselves. We’re complicated like that!

We are very layered which is both a gift and a curse. We have so much “stuff” to figure out about everything including ourselves. In a world that’s increasingly fake and a society that keeps pushing people to “be happy” by taking pills and denying reality, a little melancholy truthfulness is needed sometimes…and a breath of fresh air. 

Any thoughts? Feel free to discuss.

In the meantime here are some quotes by author JmStorm. If you know who he is let me know because I couldn’t find much info about him. I did find these quotes on Pinterest and what better way to express yourself when you’re melancholy than with quotes! Interestingly enough, the first and last quotes deal with “the door”.

*Sometimes we shut the door on the things and people we care about because we know. We know that if it was right they wouldn’t be on the other side.

*I’ve learned that waiting for another to give you closure is like waiting for the dead to bury themselves. Do yourself a favor and grab a shovel.

*She’s strong, but not in the way most people think. She cares more than she’ll ever get back and she knows it. And yet she cares anyway.

*How odd it is that so much of what isn’t said, isn’t said because it’s the truth.

*Never look to be fed by the one who could stand there and watch you starve.

*One day I put together the puzzle of who I always was. And I was okay with being the only one who understood.

*Pay close attention to the manner in which one closes the door. Burn it into your mind. Good or bad, that is who they really are.

For what it’s worth when I think of this last quote I not only think about the INFJ door but also the door to my home. If you were to come to my home, I would not shut the door as soon as you walk out. I’ll always walk you to the door and most times I’ll even walk outside with you. I stand there until you drive away and wave at you as you go. Then I shut the door. Always have. Always will.

It’s sort of like the INFJ “door”… I just can’t “close” the door until I know you’re “gone”. I don’t know if the metaphor makes sense to everyone, but it makes sense to me.


23 thoughts on “Melancholy, INFJs, and Quotes…

  1. same as you I am an INFJ and some days are tougher than others when I feel no one understands me and the sadness never dissipates, I have put mine down to compassion fatigue and knowing this could be my issue, I am trying to distance myself from being too involved emotionally in another’s problems, I feel too much and care too much and people keep on putting more on me, and before i know it i am totally drained. Good thing I have my writing to turn to to release some of the sadness. Thank you for this post, its certainly made me feel better to know others like me also struggle with the depth of emotions we INFJ’s constantly feel.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No, we are not alone. I hope to see more comments because it really does help to know others feel the same and understand. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. I’m glad it made you feel better! I was worried most people would find it depressing, but at the same time I knew a select few would totally get it!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Having the same type of personality its to relate and understand the things you were saying and that’s what I mean when I say people get frustrated with me because they cant feel what I am feeling. Yes this is an amazing post, I am so glad you wrote it and look forward to others sharing as well.

        Liked by 3 people

      1. Can you imagine the stories we INFJs could write about this topic?!

        I have a few friends who say, “you’re my person” and I’m glad that I am that person to them, but I have one friend that has unloaded emotionally to me for over a year and I’ve had to “shut down” recently whenever she brings her situation up. It’s just too much and it hurts me to do it, but if I won’t agree with her she gets angry at me. She doesn’t see her situation for what it really is and I do and she doesn’t want anything to interfere with the “perfect fantasy” she’s created for herself. She’ll see it one day and I’ll be there for her in full force, but until then I’ve set boundaries in this one area for our friendship.

        Now, if only I was so good at listening to my intuition when it concerns me and the “situationships” I find myself in sometimes. I’m learning though. Listen to your gut even if it doesn’t make sense at the time.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I completely understand. I’ve had to shut the door because I realized I needed to…I don’t know how to be half in a friendship with people and when I feel there’s a sense of entitlement over my energy…the famous infj door slam happens. I feel remorse because I don’t like to hurt others but they don’t realize I am hurting myself when I betray myself or try to pretend nothing is bothering me

        Liked by 1 person

      3. “Half in a friendship” and “sense of entitlement” are the perfect ways to explain how I feel. Thank you for expressing it in those words! I love the last sentence as well…actually the whole comment is perfect! Thank you!

        I tried to follow you, but it comes up that your page is not available.😔

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oh I had no idea about my page…I found you because you liked a post about one sided intimacy. Thank you for letting me know…I feel i only make sense when. I write…🤗

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I’ll see if I can go back to the post I liked and follow you that way. Clicking on your name doesn’t get me to your blog.

        Anytime someone comments with “I completely understand” I know I want to follow them because very few people really understand and it feels good when I “hear” those words!

        Have a great day!!😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I wish I could have read articles like these years ago. Before I found out I was an infj I thought something was wrong with me! I do tend to be melancholy, and struggle with depression also around this time of the year. My depression has gotten better considerably once I discovered “myself” and that I was completely normal. Also learning that there ARE others like me out there who struggle with the same things. Really fantastic read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I always felt like there was something wrong with me, too. Reading all the articles on here and other places have helped me realize I’m not alone. We can be a mystery to others as well as ourselves sometimes. I’m so glad to hear things have gotten better for you. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m an infj; I am always content and grateful for all that I have but I have always been familiar with a feeling of sadness that followed me all the way from my childhood and teens and now into adulthood. I think the terminology for this emotion is dysthymia. I’m happy with my life but as I tend to think and feel things on a deeper level I often find myself feeling sad from time to time with no apparent reason


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