Self love has never really been my thing. It seems so many of us obsess about what’s wrong with us or what we don’t like about ourselves. Imagine if we obsessed over the things we liked about ourselves instead.
Self love doesn’t mean we’re narcissistic or that we have a big ego. For me it means to have regard for your own well being and happiness. Self love means you think that you’re valuable and have worth. That isn’t narcissistic and it’s also not an easy thing to achieve.
It takes many of us years to get there. Some will never learn it. A few lucky ones never question it.
We learn from a young age to please others. Someone is better at something that we want so badly to be good at. Trying to fit in and be someone that we’re not. People ridicule. Rejection. Abandonment. Feelings of inadequacy. Feeling that you’re not good enough. These things bruise our egos at best and damage our souls at worst.
A lot of times we base our self worth on how people treat us. When they treat us poorly we think there is something wrong with us. I’ve come to realize that most of the time it’s more of a reflection of who they are as a person than of who I am.
A popular example would be how so many women worry about body image and how they look in comparison to others. It’s not fun and it’s not healthy. We all come in different shapes and sizes. We need realistic goals that are doable. There are only so many women who can be supermodels and I will never be one of them. I can however lose weight, get in shape, and get healthy….which I’m currently doing. Not only am I a lot healthier, but I’m also a lot happier. I’ll never have the body that I did 20 years ago and that’s okay. I’ll look the best I can at the age I am now. That’s an example of self love don’t you think?
I’m pretty self assured most of the time, but rejection is a hard one for me. I tend to take it personally. I think most of us do. Rejections send us on a mission to seek and destroy our self-esteem. We often respond to rejections by finding fault in ourselves, obsessing over our inadequacies, and kicking ourselves when we’re already down. Most romantic rejections are a matter of poor fit, lack of chemistry, incompatible lifestyles, wanting different things at different times, or other such issues. Blaming ourselves and attacking our self-worth only deepens the emotional pain we feel and makes it harder for us to recover emotionally. See, I know these things, but it’s hard to see when your in the thick of it so the ol’ self esteem takes a hit when I’m rejected.
Let’s get back to the point I was trying to make earlier. Imagine if we obsessed about the things we liked about ourselves. I challenge each of you reading this to make a list of five things you like about yourself. Five. Surely we can all do that. Self love isn’t always an easy journey, but five things is a good start.
1. I’m honest. You can always count on me to tell you the truth. Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. I won’t be brutal, but I will give it to you straight.
2. I’m a good mother. I love my daughter more than anything and I always put her first.
3. I’m loyal and trustworthy. I’m there for whatever and whenever I’m needed. You don’t even have to ask. If you trust me with something, it goes no further than me. I’ll take it to the grave. No. Matter. What.
4. I think I have a pretty nice pair of legs…especially in heels. There, I said it!
5. I’m strong willed. Sometimes it’s a bad thing, but overall it keeps me moving forward and trying to better myself to achieve the things I want out of life.