Talking seems like such a simple thing to do. You meet someone you like and you start talking. You get to know things about one another and form a connection. In days past it’s how friendships and relationships were formed, but in this day and age talking can mean something entirely different. Talking seems to be a game at times and the one who shows the least amount of interest wins the game. The more you care, the faster you lose.
Facebook, Instagram, dating sites, online chats….the list goes on. The internet presents many opportunities to meet and talk to one another. This seems to be the modern way to meet people and get to know them. Texting replaces actual talking. If you don’t want to pick up the phone or meet in person to talk, you don’t have to. In a way it’s safe. You can keep them at arms length until you decide if you want to take things into the real world. It gives you a chance to be sure the person you’re talking to isn’t a crazed psycho or serial killer looking for their next victim. Ok, that was a bit extreme, but hey, it can happen!
The problem with meeting someone in this way is that you can never be sure of their intentions. They can say or be whoever they want and no matter how truthful or honest you are, you can’t be certain that you’re getting the same response in return.
I was never one to seek out this kind of relationship, but I still ended up getting sucked into one. Now I’m not blaming the other person in any way. I made the choice to talk to him. When I say, “sucked into it”, I mean it was easy and convenient. He was easy to talk to and I enjoyed it. I was safe on my side of the phone….for a time.
I think we tend to open up easier and say things we wouldn’t say face to face in these situations. We don’t hide those secret parts of ourselves. We make a connection with someone who has the same feelings and interests as we do. We can share those without fear of judgement and embarrassment. It can be a very real, honest exchange if both parties are being truthful, but when you try to carry it over into the real world….there can be a variety of reasons it doesn’t translate well.
Talking seems to be this generations idea of the bare minimum. Relationships are formed around texting and talking is a way to not be committed. Talking is a logical step to meeting a stranger and forming a friendship or relationship with that person.
The problem occurs when these two people aren’t clear about what they expect out of the situation. Why become emotionally invested in someone if there’s no chance of things working out in the end? The problem is you don’t usually see it until the end.
Here’s where the problem lies…the gray area of using texting and online communication as a way to “talk”. Neither persons intentions are 100 percent clear and this miscommunication can lead to serious problems down the road. Using texts and messages as your main form of communication is not a good idea.
What one person means in a text message can be interpreted in an entirely different way by the one reading it. People can lie or pretend to be someone they’re not. They can talk about their dreams and fantasies, thinking they’ll follow thru with them, and instead get scared and run away. One person almost always ends up caring more than the other. And it’s so easy for the one who cares less to disappear into thin air…even when they promise they won’t.
We shouldn’t be content with having longer conversations over text than in person OR with a person who won’t define what it is they are looking for or what they want. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You deserve an answer.
Don’t settle for minimal effort. Don’t let whoever you’re talking to make you feel silly for wanting more. If they can’t or won’t give you more? That’s okay. Don’t stay stuck because you have feelings on your end that they don’t. Move on! Find someone who wants more than what “talking” offers because in the end “talking” only offers hurt feelings and misunderstandings. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and if they can’t give it to you, don’t be afraid to wait for it.
Wear your heart on your sleeve. Be honest. Depending on the situation, of course you’ll want to wait for the right time. BUT, If we don’t eventually let the other person know how we feel, how will we know whether or not they share the same feelings?
Call me old fashioned, but I still think the best way to talk about feelings and intentions is face to face. Eyes can’t hide a lie or intention. That’s why they’re called the windows of the soul.