I went out for dinner last night with a new friend. I haven’t known her long, but it’s one of those friendships that feel like you’ve known one another forever. One of the stories she told me sticks with me today. She’s a no nonsense kinda girl with a lot of self respect. Do her wrong and she’s done…no questions asked. I wish I could be more like her.
I’ve always been one of those people who won’t give up on a person right away, but once I’m done….I’m done. I always give someone more chances than they deserve and I’m usually disappointed when I do. I just delay the inevitable. I need to start living by the saying…when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I’ve always believed actions speak louder than words, but have a hard time living it beyond myself. Why? Do I only hold MYSELF to those standards?
If you’ve read any of my previous posts you know I don’t make a promise unless I know I can keep it. I mean what I say, so my words are always backed up by my actions. Do I really expect the same in return? Why am I so easily convinced by other people’s words?
Maybe it’s because in the beginning, words are usually backed up by actions but over time, things can change. I know people will sometimes say things they don’t mean or say them to use you or take advantage of you. I always ask for honesty up front. Don’t play games with me. Games are played on a field, NOT with people’s heads or hearts. I choose to believe what someone tells me and trust them until they show me differently. If you start to change your tune, be ready for some discussion! I asked for honesty and if I feel like you were giving me bullshit…well, you only have yourself to blame! You’ve not only robbed me of the truth, but the ability to make a decision on what’s best for ME! The truth always comes out in the end anyway.
I usually realize too late that expectations almost always lead to disappointment. I guess you could say, I see people for who I want them to be or who they’ve led me to believe they are…and maybe who they WANT to be. I believe their words, but in the end, it’s their actions who prove who they are. There’s no way to ignore that after you reach a certain point.
I like for things to stay the same, except I KNOW that the only thing constant in this world is change. I should mention…I hate change. Something else I need to work on!
Sure life gets complicated, people mess up, make mistakes, say things they mean at the time…but time can change things. I wish with all my heart that people aren’t saying things they don’t mean with the intent of deceiving, but I know it happens.
It’s hard to give up when you’ve invested your time in someone that you want in your life. What do some of us do tho? I mean, when you’ve spent a fair amount of time with someone and getting to know them, we don’t want to think it was for nothing so we continue to try to our detriment. The correct way of thinking would be, I’m not gonna waste anymore of my precious time on you because even tho it matters to me, you’ve shown me that it doesn’t matter to you.
When someone can walk away from you so easily, it’s usually because they never intended to stay in the first place. Let them go. Easy to say, but not always easy to do. Let their actions speak for themselves and do your best to forget what they said. Move on and live your life! If they truly want a place in your life, they’ll find a way…with actions, not words!
As I said, I’ll always give more chances than a person deserves. Not because I’m stupid or naive, but because it’s who I am and that’s what I’d want someone to do for me. I always believe the best of people and if I’ve let you into my life it’s because I wanted you there…not because I needed you, but because I found value in you as a human being.
I’m learning that if a person wants to leave your life, it’s okay to still care about them even when they choose to go. It’s okay not to let them know everything you’re thinking. It’s usually a selfish move anyway. You don’t have to let them know, you just have to let them go. Sometimes when you care, that’s the best thing you can do for them.
Unfortunately, there have been times that I’ve used words instead of acting by remaining silent. It’s about me having to say what I need to say. After years of holding things in, I don’t do that anymore, but note to self; sometimes you should. Actions my friends…not words! Not that words are always bad, but some things are better left unsaid or at least saved for another time.
If they want to walk out of your life…let them. If you believed their words, don’t beat yourself up over it, but don’t dwell on those words. They have no meaning if they weren’t backed up by actions. Looking back on a recent situation in my life, I feel this person tried to back their words up with action on occasion, but not in the way I would do it, so I became demanding. Never a good move! Sometimes you just have to Let. Things. Be. Perhaps they did their best and it was the best they could do at the time. Only they know for sure. Someone might be able to fool you, but they can never truly fool themselves.
If you wanna go, then go. It may hurt for awhile, but if you don’t want to be in my life, there’s the door. I won’t save a place for you. I’ll be too busy trying to regain my dignity and self respect. Not because of anything you did, but because I let you. I own it! I’ll just assume you were one of those people meant to walk into my life, teach me a lesson, and then walk out.
Where I would once leave the door open, I’m learning to close it. An open door leaves ME open to believe your words if the situation would ever arise again. A closed door however, doesn’t mean I won’t open it. It just means you’d have to choose to knock on it. Your actions would have to speak louder than your words.